I got to SFO at 5am. My flight was scheduled to take off at 6am. No problem, right? WRONG! I got out of the car and as I was walking towards the Delta signs there was a sign outside that said for all Delta flights if you're flying to or THRU one of the following cities, you check in here (meaning the outside kiosk). Atlanta was listed as one of the cities, and the line looked shorter than the one I saw inside, so I was like "score!" and I stood in line. 5-10 minutes later I'm at the kiosk and the man tells me "Oh, it's not letting me check you in here, you have to go inside." I reply back, "but your sign says that if you're flying through Atlanta then I need to check in here." The man then tells me "yeah, but the machine says I cannot do it. You need to go inside." So I am a little peeved, because it was cold and I thought I was getting a good deal by standing outside and following Delta's signs, but turns out I just wasted time and now have to go inside. I tell the man, "then you should really change your sign because it says to check in here and now you're telling me I can't!" (I was also tired... hello... 4 hours of sleep!)
So, I go inside and I walk the line to find the end and I finally get to what I think is the end of the line... it is! Someone keeps calling more people forward to check in and people are looking happy as they leave. :) Good! Success! .. or so I thought... I get to the front and turns out it's those self-check-in things. No problem. Southwest has these (BTW: I LOVE SOUTHWEST), I've used them, no problem.... again... I was wrong. The machine won't let me check my bag, it tells me something is wrong and I have to see an attendant. WTF? I JUST SAW AN ATTENDANT AND HE TOLD ME TO COME TO YOU STUPID MACHINE! *breathe* calm down... so I call for a guy behind the counter (who presumably are there to help). A girl behind the counter starts talking to me and calling me Jackie and I'm trying to interrupt her and tell her that I'm not Jackie and that I need help nonetheless and she is just rambling on and finally I have to speak over her and say "I'm NOT Jackie. I'm not whoever you think I am." The lady replies, "well, where is Jackie?" to which I say, "I don't know. I don't know who that is, but my machine won't let me check in, can you help me?" ... she has no response and she just walks away. B*tch. Another guy walks by and I just say "what does it mean when it says
It was the line to go to the Domestics counter... the line that I THOUGHT I went in and instead got to the electronics counter... the only problem is... I have wasted 15 minutes standing in line and trying to deal with this stupid ELECTRONIC thingy and the man in the brown suit HASN'T MOVED since I've been inside!!! It is now like... 5:25. I am still comfortable knowing that I will not miss my flight, but I am FREAKING OUT that they will not take my bag because online it said you had to have your bag checked in 30 minutes before departure for Delta to guarantee it will make it on your flight. So, I go and stand behind the man in brown and start praying. Well... not "praying" per say, more like that "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME" plead that people get in dire situations... which I guess is like prayer, but with less "thank yous" and more "I promise to never do this and such if you just help me!"
I am standing there for MAYBE 1 minute when an attendant who reminds me of Martin Shorts character in Father of the Bride (where he's like kind've "foreign" but also kind've metro or gay or something) comes up and is asking people when their flight is. I say mine is 6am and he looks at me and goes, "Do you have a boarding pass?" and I said "Yes, but I need to check my bag." He says "Oh no, you can use the electronic check in, it'll be faster, the counter is too long" to which I reply, "I just tried that, it didn't work and the guy back there said to stand in this line." The man (who I will now call Roy because I later find out that is his name) says "Give me your boarding pass. Electronic will work." (I stay in line behind the brown coat man just in case because if Roy is wrong, I don't want to lose my place) I keep a close eye on Roy with my boarding pass and he is trying to work the electronic thing but keeps getting interrupted by people around him (for example the electronic machine next to him didn't print out a boarding pass for the guy using it... see... their technology sucks). I'm watching Roy and it messes up just as it did for me. He turns to me and says "That's NOT a special bag!" and I say "I know! I told the machine it wasn't!"
**okay, please note here... a special bag is something that is heavier, larger, funny shaped, etc than your typical checked bag. I had checked in online the day before and told the computer that I had to check 1 bag and had 0 special bags. I KNOW I said "NO" to the special bag area... but when I looked at the confirmation online it said: 1 checked special bag. I could not go back and edit this online even though I tried.**
Roy finally LIES to the machine. He tells the machine that I'm checking in with 0 bags total. 0 checked and 0 special. The machine is happy and continues on. Then Roy re-checks me in and says I have 1 non-special bag and the machine is like "Oh Roy. You are so nice. I am going to do whatever you want because I believe you. I don't believe that brunette over there with the angry eyes." As I'm watching Roy do his thing, I start to walk over to him because I see the machine asking for a credit card to pay the bag fee. Roy starts yelling, "Ma'am! Ma'am! Where are you, I got it to..." and I'm like "I'm right here. I see that. Thank you SOOOO MUCH!!" and I smile real big and I think about hugging him because THANK THE GOOD LOVING LORD FOR MAKING ROY! He walks off to help someone else and I take my credit card out and put it in the slot and a receipt prints out and I wait for someone behind the counter to come by with one of those long white sticker things that they put on your bag, because that's what I've been watching them do for some time now whenever someone is done paying. So I wait, at this point it's like 5:28. I have "checked" my bag and I have a receipt for payment BEFORE the 5:30 cut off and I am no longer freaking out, although I am still plenty mad that they made me freak out. I think that I am home free... but... oh... what is this you say? Hammy is not lucky enough to be "home free" and Hammy should have handcuffed herself to Roy because the machine CLEARLY like him more than me??? ARGH!!!
The machine tells me again "please insert credit card for payment" and I'm like ?????? but I refuse. I think "NO machine! I will NOT insert my credit card, I have already put it away because you gave me a receipt."... but then I think, what if even though it charged me, it just didn't get all the verification it needed or something... I start to rationalize why the machine might want to see my card again, so I swipe it again. No receipt and the machine mocks me "please insert credit card for payment." Umm... at this point I just want my damn bag GONE, so I put in another credit card and STILL nothing!! So I flag ANOTHER man down and say, umm... I have a receipt but no one has taken my bag, my flight is at 6! and the man says, "oh, hmm.. nothing printed out. Umm... let's call Roy over. ROY! HEY ROY!" Roy doesn't hear him because he's helping other people, (what a busy man Roy is) so the man behind the counter tells me "ask that attendant for him" and he wanders off to help someone else with their bags. So I yell "excuse me sir!" and Roy looks up and says "I'll be right with you ma'am." He finishes whatever he's doing (helping some lady in a wheelchair get in line or something) and walks over and I tell him that the man behind the counter said nothing printed out for the bag, but I paid and have a receipt. The man behind the counter walks up and verifies that nothing printed out. Roy takes my boarding pass AGAIN, scans it and the electronic machine tells Roy IT IS TOO LATE TO CHECK BAGS FOR THIS FLIGHT! Roy says "oh, you're late. you can't check your bag now." and I pretty much verbally STOMP that idea to the ground. I FIRMLY and AGITATEDLY state "NO! I was NOT late! I have been trying to check this bag for 30 minutes. I've been told to stand in 3 different lines. I even have a RECEIPT from the machine saying I paid to check the bag already, but the machine didn't print anything out to put on my bag!" I mean come on Roy... you've already helped me... you KNOW that I'm not late. Are you so busy that you can't remember the brunette who sassed you earlier when she didn't believe that the electronic machine would work for you because it didn't work for her? Anyway... Roy either pitied me or feared me, but either way, he jumped behind the counter and said "I'll take care of this."
Then, this next part, took seriously like 1 minute... 1 minute.... that was ALL it took for him to put some yellow tag on my bag, ask me where I was going ("Valdosta, Georgia"), staple some yellow strip of paper to my boarding pass and tell me "You flight has already boarded. Go to the lady at the security check point. Don't stand in line, just go to the lady" I thought "SWEET! I can jump the line" for a moment, but quickly realized that I'd been fooled before by Delta, not just 10 minutes ago, so I said "thank you" and high tailed it around the corner to security. There was a lady standing at the beginning of the security line, so I stopped at her, waved my boarding pass and yellow stripe at her. She asked me "what time is your flight at?" "6" I reply. She tells me to go to the line all the way to the left. There are maybe 4 people in that line where there at at least 10 in all the others, so I'm feeling a little more at ease... that's when I realize that I didn't actually see what Roy put on my bag... omg!? I told him I was going to Valdosta, he saw my boarding passes, did he mark my bag for Valdosta?? Or just for Atlanta?? OMG! I am NOT paying another $20 in Atlanta to have them take my bags to Valdosta! I don't want to have to go through security AGAIN after I get my bag in Atlanta. I am NOT going down to baggage claim in Atlanta! If my bag is not there in Valdosta, then I will just file a missing bag claim and yell at Delta and curse them to high heaven for this crappy morning! The man checks my ID and boarding pass at the end of the line and I bee line for the shortest security scanner line. I breeze through it (however easily you can breeze through those when you need to remove your shoes, jacket, and take your laptop out and your liquids!) and luckily my departure gate is 2 gates away from security. So I make it with PLENTY of time to board.
I am feeling anxious about my bag, but happy to be on the plane. I walk back to my seat and see who my seatmate is and ... omg... she's big! I mean she wasn't like 400 lbs huge as a house, but she was big. Way bigger than me!
... okay, this will have to continue another day... it's way late and I really should sleep... until next time, where you hear about my seatmate and the nice, old, chatty lady in Atlanta who is going to her 55th high school reunion.
Oh, and the time stamp below is Pacific Time... so it's really 3:06 Eastern time.
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