Fair vs. Gym

I went to the Alameda County Fair with my friends Jennifer and Andrea on Monday. It was so much fun. It was Food Fair Day which meant that admission was free if we brought in 4 non-perishable food items.... which of course we each did! And as an added bonus, all rides were 99 cents. (You paid a dollar and they "donated" your extra 1 cent to the Food Bank) We had a blast! We rode some rides, watched some acts (Alaskan Pig Races!, hypnotist, etc) and ate some delicious food. Oh man, did we eat some delicious food! Which brings me to my next item...

OH MY GOD I ATE SO MANY CALORIES ON MONDAY!! When I entered everything I ate for the day (including breakfast before the fair) into my food tracker with WW, it added up to 108 points!! 108!! That is... that... well that is a LOT. More than 3 days worth of points. But my God it was delicious. At the fair I ate:

A Kangaroo Sausage on a bun with onions
A bite of Python on a stick
French Fries with ketchup
Pink Lemonade
Most of a GIANT Funnel Cake with strawberries
1 Wine & Cheese Sausage Popper (small, about 1-2 bites)
A Corn Dog with ketchup
Cotton Candy
Grilled Corn on the Cob with Butter and salt

See? A LOT of food. As such, it was a MUST that I work out today at the gym. I had planned to go this afternoon, but was just too tired and ended up sleeping after setting up the fireworks booth. What I did instead was attempt to talk myself out of going when I woke up from my nap. Thankfully, and I truly mean thankfully, Jennifer texted me and said she was going to the gym. This was sort've my... well... I should go to. Thus, I went. And I decided to go 60 minutes at it on the eliptical. Non stop, baby! And I did. And I almost died in the middle of it.* But, I pulled through and never stopped. Stopping would have let myself down and I wasn't going to do that. I then did a 5 minute cool down and an additional 5 minuts on the ab workout machine. Then it was closing time. All in all, I didn't work off everything that I ate at the fair, but at least I worked out some. I got some exercise in and I feel good now. I did have to drive home with the windows down to help cool myself off, but it was great. I have a good sweat stain on my lower back that I'm super proud off too. Normally I hate sweating and I HATE having it show, but I'm proud of this one. 1. because it came from the gym and 2. because I needed to work off that food. I had my dad take a picture of it when I got home. Not a huge fan of the photo because I still look fat in it... hell, I still AM fat, but check out that stain. LOL





















*I often over exaggerate "death." For instance, at the fair I trip/stumbled. I recovered in 1 step. I don't even think anyone really noticed, but as I recovered I stated to my friends "Ohp, almost just died." Clearly, I did not almost die. So I use this term loosely. I am very aware of when it is safe to exercise and when it is not. I am aware of stopping excerise if you feel faint, neaseaus, dizzy, etc.

Who is that girl on the treadmill? Is that...? No way... YES! It's me!

I forgot to log my weight for the week. I normally weigh-in Tuesday night, but didn't since I had weighed myself on Monday. Apparently, I never entered this into my weight tracker though because it wasn't there... so instead I entered my weight as of today (confirmed both on the scale at the gym I joined... Hi! I joined a gym! More on this later... and on my home scale, which I'm happy to learn is accurate). I'm now at 209. According to the blog, I've lost 3 pounds. According to WW I've lost 6. I entered my start weight as 215 on WW since my weight usually fluctuated between 216-212 any given week, so I settled on 215, even though technically I was 212 that night. Regardless, this is my first week that I'm considering a victory since I've lost weight.

I have not been good on the eating front. I basically still eat whatever the hell I feel like instead of taking into account my points. My bad! I'm working on this though and am proud to say that today was a huge success. Maybe it was that I was eating more filling foods. Maybe it was that I worked out last night. I don't know, but today I ate well (only went 1 point over my daily allowed) and wasn't hungry and I didn't over eat! I consider that a NSV! (non scale victory)

Okay, for the gym. Jennifer told me about a Planet Fitness groupon and after a little research (read: asking Jen a bunch of questions), I decided to buy it. I now have a 2 month black pass to PF. There is one not far from me, so it's convenient! So far I've gone Wednesday night and tonight (Thursday night) and have worked out for about 45 minutes each night. I didn't want to push myself too hard in these first couple gym excursions since... holy hell I'm out of shape I don't want to hurt myself. I hadn't been to the gym since moving back to the bay, so this feels good. Also having Jennifer as a motivator/gym buddy helps a TON! In fact some co-workers were going out after work tonight to grab pizza and beer. Ordinarily I would have gone with, but no, not tonight. I declined because I had a gym date at 9 with Jen. :) Best decision I've made all week.

Like I tweeted earlier, "I hope this becomes a habit."

Laying it all out there

I've never done this before, and I'm scared/nervous as hell. In the past I've made a separate, semi-private blog for something like this.

I know myself very well. A lot of people don't have much self awareness. They delude themselves into thinking they are something they are not. I know that I can be very stubborn at times (supposedly a common trait in Tauruses), I turn sensitive once a month and cry easily, I know that I get very infatuated with things but then lose interest down the line (this includes people sometimes), I am incredibly indecisive, I can be down right cruel in a very heated argument, and many more negative things. However, I am also funny and often uplift people with my humor, I am a great listener and find people share a lot about themselves with me, I can be very romantic in relationships, I am sensible (I can tell when things are and are not appropriate), and many more positive things.

With that being said, I have no idea if this will work for me. But I know if I don't put it all out there, I'll never know if this could have worked. I am hoping that being held accountable on a massive scale will work. The more people I tell, the more I won't want to let people down (including myself), right? Right. So here it goes:

I weighed in today at 212 pounds. I'm 5'4.5" tall (don't laugh, I swear i'm right between 5'4" and 5'5"). I wear a size 20 or 18 dress/pants (although I do own a couple size 16 pants that I fit into... sometimes it's just the cut/brand of the clothes) and a XL shirt (sometimes XXL, sometimes L again depending on the brand/cut).

I'm fat. I'm fat because I'm lazy. That's all there is to it. Lots of people in the world are fat because of medical conditions, genetic mutations, and many other completely understandable reasons... but not me. I hate that about myself.

I'm lazy and I have no idea how to fix this about myself. I know the mechanics of how to lose weight, how to become healthier, how to eat better, how to exercise, but I'm too lazy to put those things into practice and it is that part that I don't know how to change. They say that once you start and stick to it, it becomes easier, but it's the sticking to it that I can't do.

My friends and family are great, they support me, but no one gives me that kick in the pants that I need. But they shouldn't have to. I should be motivation enough. I should be able to have the will power to not do the things I do and to instead do the things I don't. Up until now, I haven't had that consistent willpower. I don't even know if I have it now, but I know that I need to try something.

Did you know that I tried to give up french fries for the 2011 year? (French Fries are one of my favorite foods by the way... God bless the person who first decided to try eating a potato) I succeeded for about 3.5 months. Then I gave in. To be honest, I didn't mean to give in. I forgot to NOT order a "meal." I meant to just order a sandwich and a drink, but instead "meal" came out and it wasn't until I had paid and walked away that I realized the error. Rather than throw away the fries and "waste money" I ate them... and that was the end of 0 fries in 2011. Sure, I could have gotten right back on the wagon and only had that 1 slip up, but that didn't happen. Because of will power. I lack it. Not always, but a lot of the time.

My father once told me that I have a crowd mentality. He's right. I'm pretty much a sheep. I prefer to go with the flow and only differ when I feel strongly about something. I'm beginning to believe this is because I lack the will power to branch out on my own.

What I also hate about this whole thing are the semi excuses I make for myself. For instance: I know there are people worse off than me. People that would kill to have my body instead of their own. People that weigh 100+ pounds more than me that wish they could lose weight... and yet I complain about myself. I feel guilty, but I know that it is all perspective. I can't let this "excuse" stop me from becoming the woman that I want to be. I don't want to be the old, fat, single one of my friends. Also, I hate my stomach, but actually really like my large breasts. They make me feel feminine despite my large body. I have used them as an excuse in the past to not lose weight.

I have joined Weight Watchers Online to help me on my journey. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't go to meetings if I tried that route, so I took the alternative.

I'm fat, but this will change. I WILL change. It has to... I have too...

I hope.

This is one of my least favorite photos of myself. It was taken on July 4, 2007. I weighed my highest ever in this photo. Something around 230 or 235. This was just a terrible day altogether. A couple of hours after this photo was taken, my mother called to tell me that our cat had just died. Ugh.