Fair vs. Gym

I went to the Alameda County Fair with my friends Jennifer and Andrea on Monday. It was so much fun. It was Food Fair Day which meant that admission was free if we brought in 4 non-perishable food items.... which of course we each did! And as an added bonus, all rides were 99 cents. (You paid a dollar and they "donated" your extra 1 cent to the Food Bank) We had a blast! We rode some rides, watched some acts (Alaskan Pig Races!, hypnotist, etc) and ate some delicious food. Oh man, did we eat some delicious food! Which brings me to my next item...

OH MY GOD I ATE SO MANY CALORIES ON MONDAY!! When I entered everything I ate for the day (including breakfast before the fair) into my food tracker with WW, it added up to 108 points!! 108!! That is... that... well that is a LOT. More than 3 days worth of points. But my God it was delicious. At the fair I ate:

A Kangaroo Sausage on a bun with onions
A bite of Python on a stick
French Fries with ketchup
Pink Lemonade
Most of a GIANT Funnel Cake with strawberries
1 Wine & Cheese Sausage Popper (small, about 1-2 bites)
A Corn Dog with ketchup
Cotton Candy
Grilled Corn on the Cob with Butter and salt

See? A LOT of food. As such, it was a MUST that I work out today at the gym. I had planned to go this afternoon, but was just too tired and ended up sleeping after setting up the fireworks booth. What I did instead was attempt to talk myself out of going when I woke up from my nap. Thankfully, and I truly mean thankfully, Jennifer texted me and said she was going to the gym. This was sort've my... well... I should go to. Thus, I went. And I decided to go 60 minutes at it on the eliptical. Non stop, baby! And I did. And I almost died in the middle of it.* But, I pulled through and never stopped. Stopping would have let myself down and I wasn't going to do that. I then did a 5 minute cool down and an additional 5 minuts on the ab workout machine. Then it was closing time. All in all, I didn't work off everything that I ate at the fair, but at least I worked out some. I got some exercise in and I feel good now. I did have to drive home with the windows down to help cool myself off, but it was great. I have a good sweat stain on my lower back that I'm super proud off too. Normally I hate sweating and I HATE having it show, but I'm proud of this one. 1. because it came from the gym and 2. because I needed to work off that food. I had my dad take a picture of it when I got home. Not a huge fan of the photo because I still look fat in it... hell, I still AM fat, but check out that stain. LOL





















*I often over exaggerate "death." For instance, at the fair I trip/stumbled. I recovered in 1 step. I don't even think anyone really noticed, but as I recovered I stated to my friends "Ohp, almost just died." Clearly, I did not almost die. So I use this term loosely. I am very aware of when it is safe to exercise and when it is not. I am aware of stopping excerise if you feel faint, neaseaus, dizzy, etc.

Who is that girl on the treadmill? Is that...? No way... YES! It's me!

I forgot to log my weight for the week. I normally weigh-in Tuesday night, but didn't since I had weighed myself on Monday. Apparently, I never entered this into my weight tracker though because it wasn't there... so instead I entered my weight as of today (confirmed both on the scale at the gym I joined... Hi! I joined a gym! More on this later... and on my home scale, which I'm happy to learn is accurate). I'm now at 209. According to the blog, I've lost 3 pounds. According to WW I've lost 6. I entered my start weight as 215 on WW since my weight usually fluctuated between 216-212 any given week, so I settled on 215, even though technically I was 212 that night. Regardless, this is my first week that I'm considering a victory since I've lost weight.

I have not been good on the eating front. I basically still eat whatever the hell I feel like instead of taking into account my points. My bad! I'm working on this though and am proud to say that today was a huge success. Maybe it was that I was eating more filling foods. Maybe it was that I worked out last night. I don't know, but today I ate well (only went 1 point over my daily allowed) and wasn't hungry and I didn't over eat! I consider that a NSV! (non scale victory)

Okay, for the gym. Jennifer told me about a Planet Fitness groupon and after a little research (read: asking Jen a bunch of questions), I decided to buy it. I now have a 2 month black pass to PF. There is one not far from me, so it's convenient! So far I've gone Wednesday night and tonight (Thursday night) and have worked out for about 45 minutes each night. I didn't want to push myself too hard in these first couple gym excursions since... holy hell I'm out of shape I don't want to hurt myself. I hadn't been to the gym since moving back to the bay, so this feels good. Also having Jennifer as a motivator/gym buddy helps a TON! In fact some co-workers were going out after work tonight to grab pizza and beer. Ordinarily I would have gone with, but no, not tonight. I declined because I had a gym date at 9 with Jen. :) Best decision I've made all week.

Like I tweeted earlier, "I hope this becomes a habit."

Laying it all out there

I've never done this before, and I'm scared/nervous as hell. In the past I've made a separate, semi-private blog for something like this.

I know myself very well. A lot of people don't have much self awareness. They delude themselves into thinking they are something they are not. I know that I can be very stubborn at times (supposedly a common trait in Tauruses), I turn sensitive once a month and cry easily, I know that I get very infatuated with things but then lose interest down the line (this includes people sometimes), I am incredibly indecisive, I can be down right cruel in a very heated argument, and many more negative things. However, I am also funny and often uplift people with my humor, I am a great listener and find people share a lot about themselves with me, I can be very romantic in relationships, I am sensible (I can tell when things are and are not appropriate), and many more positive things.

With that being said, I have no idea if this will work for me. But I know if I don't put it all out there, I'll never know if this could have worked. I am hoping that being held accountable on a massive scale will work. The more people I tell, the more I won't want to let people down (including myself), right? Right. So here it goes:

I weighed in today at 212 pounds. I'm 5'4.5" tall (don't laugh, I swear i'm right between 5'4" and 5'5"). I wear a size 20 or 18 dress/pants (although I do own a couple size 16 pants that I fit into... sometimes it's just the cut/brand of the clothes) and a XL shirt (sometimes XXL, sometimes L again depending on the brand/cut).

I'm fat. I'm fat because I'm lazy. That's all there is to it. Lots of people in the world are fat because of medical conditions, genetic mutations, and many other completely understandable reasons... but not me. I hate that about myself.

I'm lazy and I have no idea how to fix this about myself. I know the mechanics of how to lose weight, how to become healthier, how to eat better, how to exercise, but I'm too lazy to put those things into practice and it is that part that I don't know how to change. They say that once you start and stick to it, it becomes easier, but it's the sticking to it that I can't do.

My friends and family are great, they support me, but no one gives me that kick in the pants that I need. But they shouldn't have to. I should be motivation enough. I should be able to have the will power to not do the things I do and to instead do the things I don't. Up until now, I haven't had that consistent willpower. I don't even know if I have it now, but I know that I need to try something.

Did you know that I tried to give up french fries for the 2011 year? (French Fries are one of my favorite foods by the way... God bless the person who first decided to try eating a potato) I succeeded for about 3.5 months. Then I gave in. To be honest, I didn't mean to give in. I forgot to NOT order a "meal." I meant to just order a sandwich and a drink, but instead "meal" came out and it wasn't until I had paid and walked away that I realized the error. Rather than throw away the fries and "waste money" I ate them... and that was the end of 0 fries in 2011. Sure, I could have gotten right back on the wagon and only had that 1 slip up, but that didn't happen. Because of will power. I lack it. Not always, but a lot of the time.

My father once told me that I have a crowd mentality. He's right. I'm pretty much a sheep. I prefer to go with the flow and only differ when I feel strongly about something. I'm beginning to believe this is because I lack the will power to branch out on my own.

What I also hate about this whole thing are the semi excuses I make for myself. For instance: I know there are people worse off than me. People that would kill to have my body instead of their own. People that weigh 100+ pounds more than me that wish they could lose weight... and yet I complain about myself. I feel guilty, but I know that it is all perspective. I can't let this "excuse" stop me from becoming the woman that I want to be. I don't want to be the old, fat, single one of my friends. Also, I hate my stomach, but actually really like my large breasts. They make me feel feminine despite my large body. I have used them as an excuse in the past to not lose weight.

I have joined Weight Watchers Online to help me on my journey. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't go to meetings if I tried that route, so I took the alternative.

I'm fat, but this will change. I WILL change. It has to... I have too...

I hope.

This is one of my least favorite photos of myself. It was taken on July 4, 2007. I weighed my highest ever in this photo. Something around 230 or 235. This was just a terrible day altogether. A couple of hours after this photo was taken, my mother called to tell me that our cat had just died. Ugh.

10/18/1993 - 07/04/2007

I have a post that has been in the making for a while... it's about my dog. I don't know when I'll finish it. In the mean time, I'm posting something that I've kept close to my heart for years.

When my cat passed away, I came across the following post:
http://turbulence.org/Works/saddest/index.php?id=43
It takes you to a page called The Saddest Thing I Own: Cat Ashes. There are plenty of other "saddest thing I own" posts, but I first saw this one and it helped. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one who loved my cat so much that it hurt. I know it sounds morbid, but if you're ever suffering the loss of a pet, I'd suggest giving it (and the comments) a read. For me, it was calming, sobering, sad, and heartfelt. For me, it helped.

It was also the first place I wrote about the story of my cat to the world. My comment can be found posted on Friday July 13, 1007.

I miss you, Butterscotch.

You too, Abbey.

I could get lost in those eyes...

I have never been one to go fanatical, drooly, teenage girl over guys with blue eyes. Sure, they can be pretty, gorgeous even, but nothing that made me swoon. I have usually prefered, dark, mysterous, brown eyes. Brown eyes make me feel warm and comfortable, like being wrapped up in a thick quilt on a rainy day.

... but his eyes...

Well, let's just say that I now understand what it means to get lost in the sea of a pair of blue eyes. I know what it's like to feel like you're drowning when you look into someone's eyes, like you're far out to sea where no one can hear you... but in a good way.

And I will not see those eyes again. Most likely, ever.

I can only hope that I get the chance to feel that again someday.

How does this... I don't even... It's just so... I'm at a loss

I have slowly been working on a blog post about taking a drug test for my new job, but the more I read it the less it seems as funny as it did the day it happened. Maybe I'll get to it later on, but for now, I'm leaving it alone for a while and instead I'll just tell you how the job is going now. :)

Okay wait... I'm not going to, instead can I please tackle the issue of this hair style that is popular for guys lately? Like... the past couple of years I've been noticing this hair style of having their hair swept forward, almost bangish like.... no who am I kidding... it's totally bangs. It's like they're trying to cover their foreheads. Like these:

Or like new teen pop sensation Justin Bieber:

Now I'm not saying that anyone of these young boys are unattractive... just that their hair is! (Well... I'll make an exception for that guy in the 2nd photo with the red in his hair... I hope he's over 18 because that guy is hot!) Anyway, moving on. I just don't understand this haircut for boys lately. I first noticed it while watching Two-A-Days on MTV in 2007. I think all but 2 of the guys showcased on the show had this swept-over-their-forehead look. I remember sitting there, with my friend Amanda, watching the show and we were just confused... when did this look become the fashion? We assumed it was just a mid-west thing... but slowly it crept over the nation and now it's THE LOOK for teenage boys.

I just have a feeling this is going to turn into one of those regretted hair styles... much like the bangs of the 80's:

The guy haircut is just too... emo? or something for me? I don't know... I just don't like it and I hope that if I ever have a son that this hairstyle is outdated at that point... *sigh*

That time when I unintentionally, intentionally hurt nature...

A little while ago, I left a comment over at Hyperbole and a Half (who by the way, is incredibly hilarious) in regards to her goose encounter. If you've never read her blog, then you must go NOW to that post and read that in the least. It is... I don't even know how to... it's just... Allie is funny and awesome and all of her greatness is visible in that post. Go now and read it... then come back here, please. Thanks!

Okay, so her post got me thinking about how I should just post my goose attack story here, unfortunately it's not nearly as funny as Allie's, so I hope you all read hers and maybe some residual hilarity will rub off on mine... so here it goes:

Unfortunately I don't remember the year, but it was over 10 years ago. (somewhere in either Junior High or High School) Stephanie was babysitting for her dad's co-worker, who also happened to live across the street from my house. She decided to take the little girl for a walk around the lake to feed the ducks with some bread and I tagged along. If I remember correctly, the little girl's name was Katie (... or something with a K sound... I'm not really sure now, but I'm going to call her Katie anyway), and she was probably 3ish? These are all useless details to you, but I want to remember this story forever, so I'm trying to be detailed for me here. Anyway, we packed Katie up into her stroller and headed to the lake.



It really is a gorgeous lake, isn't it? You can't tell from that picture, but it has a ton of ducks, geese, egrets, and other various fowl hanging out there. This photo is actually not terribly far from where the incident took place. Just around the bend, behind where this photo was taken, we stopped our walk and decided to feed a group of ducks and geese. A gaggle of geese? Is that what they're called? By the way, who the hell came up with gaggle? That is a terrible sounding word! Seriously. Say it out loud. Gaggle. It's an ugly word isn't it? Moving on... So we stopped to feed the birds. We threw the rest of our pieces of bread to them and realized we were out of bread. I think we may have even apologized to them. I frequently talk to animals, (in a completely sane, normal, non-Dr. Dolittle sort of way, of course) so it wouldn't surprise me if I said "That's it guys. No more for you today. Sorry! All gone" and waved my empty hands at them to show them that there was no more food. Oh, except I was carrying Katie, so I couldn't have waved my hands at them, could I? Hmm... Regardless, we were out of bread and were turning to walk away. I had picked up Katie and was walking away and Steph was pushing the stroller ahead of us on the path.

Now, let me explain something here real quick. I had lived near The Lake my whole life at that point. So I knew that the birds would follow you when you stopped feeding them. I knew it technically wasn't good to feed them, but I would do it on occasion anyway. I knew, from experience, that when you walk away the best method to get the geese to not follow you is to begin to walk away, then quickly turn and rush them aggressively. This confuses them, causes them to momentarily panic, and scatter. Then you can leave the area not being stalked/harassed by large, waddling, sometimes hissing, birds who are just trying to get their last bread-fix. You see, I knew all this. It is and has always been ingrained in my mind. I should have been more careful, but I was young and reckless, and holding a small child.

So, there I was, holding Katie, walking away from the gaggle (ugh) of geese completely unaware that there was a goose with a bread hunger that had gone unfulfilled. I was about to take a step, when the goose bit me. Let me say that again. I had been walking and was about to take another step, when the little bugger bit me! Do you know, what position your legs are in when you've been walking a couple steps and you're about to take another? Your legs are apart. In this case, my right foot/leg was forward, my leg foot/leg was back. Leaving my soft, fleshy, barely sees the light of day, inner thigh exposed! (I was wearing jeans, so it wasn't really "exposed" in that way, but you get my drift) The goose bit my inner thigh! I didn't even know his name and he was already trying to get to 3rd base!

I'm not sure what went through my head in the split second between being bit and the action my body took. It was pure instinct. I didn't think. I didn't even pause. I just acted. I actually didn't even know that there was a goose behind me. I just knew that something had pinched my thigh really hard and it hurt. A lot. So I did what came naturally.

I turned around swinging.

You know when a fly is buzzing around your head and you swat it at, sort've haphazardly with the back of your hand? Well, imaging doing that, but instead of a fly imagine a goose... and instead of your hand imagine using your whole arm. That's sort've what it was like. I unknowingly, back-handed the goose. I turned around rapidly, while yelling (It could have been "ouch." It could have been "hey." Whatever sound you make when you're caught by surprise in a painful way) with my arm stretched out and I hit something with it. Turns out... I had hit the goose. Okay, to be completely honest, I didn't just hit the goose. My arm caught the neck of the goose. I don't know how I happened to hit it in the exact location to send it flying back. I guess it bit me and then lifted it's head, which was unfortunate on its part. I just caught it perfectly to send it wings spread, reeling backwards toward the ground.

Actually... it sort've looked like this when I turned around (minus the pole sticking out of it's hoo-hah)...

Like I said, it had its wings spread and it was moving in a backwards motion because of the impact of my arm... not because it decided to back away slowly. In fact, its neck was sort've curved like that too. When I looked and saw what it was I had hit, I was shocked. Not so much shocked at the fact that a goose had just bit me, although I was a little surprised it happened to ME, but more so shocked that I had just unintentionally, intentionally hit something... and that something was a freaking goose!

At this point, Stephanie whipped around and was instantly concerned about what happened... to Katie. Now, I understand this. It's completely valid and responsible for her to be concerned about the small child that was entrusted into her care... except that at the time I was the one that was bit! She asked if Katie was okay and I think I may have said, "Yes! But I'm not!" She took Katie from me and I looked down to see if I was bleeding. Thankfully, there was no blood on my jeans, but my leg was still really hurting. I put pressure on it, to ease some of the pain, but I just wanted to go home and inspect my thigh in the privacy of my own bathroom.

That was the end of our walk around The Lake. We headed home, well I headed home and Stephanie headed across the street to Katie's home.

For reference, the goose wasn't a Canadian Goose. It was white with a black beak. I've never seen one like that around The Lake since. In fact, I have been searching the Internet for a picture of a similar goose, or at least a description of the specific breed of goose it might be, but I'm coming up with nothing.

In the end, all was okay. The goose didn't break any skin, but it did leave a bruise. :( That was the last day that I fed the birds at The Lake. But I think the geese fear me a little more now. They know I don't take any sh*t from them.

Now when I see geese around the lake, I get a little less this:

and a little more this: